Terrorist Update (# 299)
At New York's Kennedy International Airport today, an individual,
later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to
board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
Attorney General John Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the
notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying
weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed," Ashcroft said. "They
desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off
on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite
shadowy figures, with names like "X" and "Y ", and, although they are
frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a
common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country. As the great Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say, "there are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have weapons of math instruction, He would have given us
more fingers and toes".
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