Miscellaneous Jokes

Consultant  (# 120)

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a

brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a

young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL

tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you

exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the man, then looks at his

peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The driver parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook, connects it to

his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he

calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his

location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the

area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and

exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image

has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL

database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of

complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his

Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he

prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized

HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, "You

have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says the

shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and

looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you

exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why


"You're a consultant." says the shepherd.

"Wow! That's correct," says the geek, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up here

even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I

already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap

about my business ...

" ... Now give me back my dog."

Submitted by: EAG, San Antonio, Tx

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